Celebrating with the Brits!

Sorry...Again!

  Hello again! I know it has been like a month since I last wrote anything and I have millions of excuses why and I am super late on posting things but I am stupid. That is the main reason. I promise things and I don't deliver, not a good way to start the year but WHATEVER! I am posting now so that counts right? Yea...? Okay, moving on!

How is it going so far?

  I had a roller coaster of a time, not because of England, it was just that I was missing home, and who doesn't miss home on the holidays? 

  Looking out and seeing gray does get to you and the chilly nights reminds me of when my mother would make the Abuelita hot chocolate, put on her favorite horror film of all time ("Hasta el Viento Tiene Miedo" "Even the Wind Is Afraid"), eating pan dulce from the pan van, and laughing with my family all night. But you are not reading this post because of what my Mexican American ass does back in California, it is about how I spent the holidays with my friends from across the pond!

  Let me say it has been great! They are some of the most down to earth people I have EVER met! They are not afraid to voice out what they want to say and they have the darkest sense of humor. They can get down on the dance floor, roll in ten seconds, and laugh like it is nobodies business.  

  I am enjoying the food, the scenery and all of that jazz before I have to pack my bags in February.

What to do on a Saturday night?

   The night life here in the town I am staying at consists of pubs, clubs, or staying home and watching Doctor Who with a nice hot cup of tea (ha!).  But seriously, it is just that. I have been the drinking hot tea and Netflix person most of the time because that is what I do at home. I never was really a girl to go out on a Saturday night with the girls unless it was going to a bar and there was karaoke involved because I could really be down for that. But I stayed home watching Grey's Anatomy with a bottle of wine and tissues with my cat Milo most of the time. Being in a LDR made Connor and I couch potatoes because we mostly had dates on rabb.it which was a website where you can watch Netflix and movies with anyone in the world. We go to pubs on some occasions but I never would think of going to an English club. Why? Well, I have been there and done that in America and I really didn't like it and Connor couldn't care less if we go or not. 
  So one night as we were watching Netflix, his good old friend Sam messaged him and asked us to go out to the club. I shrugged at him in response because I was game if he was and called a taxi five minutes later. The dress code was whatever and I didn't pack my suitcase for a fancy date or clubs so I was stuck with a big ass shirt and some jeans with black boots. But I should have at LEAST packed heels because sweet baby Jesus, there was not one girl in the streets on a Saturday night without heels! I know some girls who go to the club in flats because, let's face it, we are not super humans  with indestructible feet. But these British girls don't give a damn and wear the damn things throughout the night! All in short dresses, skirts, and low tops with it being super cold that it snowed that night/morning! Hats off to them!
  It was like any other club most of the time. Hot girls, rich dudes, the guy who does the sprinkler way to much, the drugged out mess, the crazy grinders, and all that was on point. The best thing I remember about the whole night was this girl who was in the front of one of the clubs fighting with a bouncer. She had a tiny black skirt on, the longest ponytail, and the tallest heels ever that made no difference to her tinniness, but she was feisty! She was throwing punches and scratching the hell out of a bouncer and was screaming about a guy still being in the club. She was a hot mess, drunk for sure, and was not giving up without a fight about some dude that never left the club. No authorities were called (they don't really call the cops here) and they let her tucker herself out. They told her multiple times to go home, some even offered to get her a taxi but she kept on screaming and throwing blows that made no difference. I don't know what happened to that poor girl that night, but man, that was memorable because I know for a fact in America, they would call the cops straight away for that kind of behavior. We drank loads and danced and drank some more. Of course tequila was my go to and I laughed every two seconds. All in all, was a fun experience!

 

  On our way home from the club it started to snow and it came down heavy little later and  we decided to stay up all night to play in the snow until noon! We were drunk as hell and it was colder than anything, but we had the best time ever! Building snowmen, looking at the world covered in white, and wanting to pass out in it was just the cherry on top!

Christmas Eve and Christmas

  I am used to the Mexican Christmas, where we make a buffet of food, lots of alcohol, bonfires, cousins everywhere you look, posadas, uncles with mustaches, and staying up until midnight to open Christmas presents. I have a BIG family and it was odd to have Christmas with just two other people besides Connor. The two other people being his wonderful mother Carla, and his Grandmother that we all like to call Nin instead of Nan. My family makes a big deal about Christmas, right when the turkey is put away that Friday we put up the tree and start busting out the lights. But there hasn't been a festive Christmas do to the fact that Connor was the only child in the household for years and he is now 22 and "too old" for that. We set up the tree on the 15th and we only decorated on the side of the room and that was it. It was a beautiful tree, never seen so much tinsel on a tree! 

  Christmas was fun and sweet. Connor and I spent Christmas eve playing some Smash Bros. while we slayed in bed in pajamas because we just got back from a long trip to London and wanted to rest. We had plans to go out and get a nice breakfast and what not but we decided that we are just fine in bed all day. Connor's friends asked us to come by and hang out for a bit and had a couple of drinks there. We decided to go home early because they wanted to go to a club but we were tuckerd out from the day before so went to get some curry for takeout and headed home. When we got home we ate like fatties and drank some more and passed out. I woke up in the middle of the night to Skype my daughter back in California while her dad was trying to give me insight what the family back home was doing for the holiday.

   We woke up in the morning feeling pretty lame but we got dressed and went downstairs to open presents with Connor's mom and Nin. We went into the front room and shared jokes and more drinks (we drink on the holidays...heavily) and watched the brand spanking new set of The Walking Dead because Daryl Dickson is Carla Clipston's Husband (Mum). We opened lots of Christmas crackers (a picture down below) where it is a contest to see who gets the prize inside. It comes with a small surprise novelty item, a joke, and a hat to come with it. One came with a measuring tape and we measured our noses to see who's was bigger because there was a never ending war about big noses in the family. We did some charades and just had a nice evening doing a whole lot of nothing but lounging around, but it was everything. I had the most wonderful time. There was no chaos, no big mess to clean, it was all chill and relaxing. 

  Boxing day is a day where Brits bring out the ham. They cook ham, a fat buffet, and eat with loved ones (it is like a version of thanksgiving). We ate and played games with Connor's two uncles and their families. I was lost when they were telling jokes because I am still getting used to English humor but I will get there! 

  

New Years Eve and Day

   New Years eve was neither good or bad, it was split down the middle. I started off the day with horrible news that a childhood friend of mine passed away while she was visiting family in Mexico. It was hard to take in and just a shock to most because freak accidents happen out of nowhere and no one expects it. I still feel for the family since they lost 2 loved one's that night and I couldn't imagine what they must be going through right now...my condolences to them...My friend will never be forgotten and surely missed...

  So there you have it, it wasn't at all what I expected, we were going to go out and celebrate for the coming year, but we decided to yet again sit back and relax and have a couple of drinks with the family while we watched horror movies. I Skyped home for a little bit to say hi once again. We opened more crackers, ate pizza, and played charades while we enjoyed the rest of the night. We didn't hear a countdown and we totally missed the New Year mark. We didn't know it was 2018 until we heard fireworks exploding outside scaring the poor cat! We sang "Auld Lang Syne"-well....Mum did because Connor and I still don't know all the lyrics so we fucked it. And to top off the "New Year" Connor and I were too tired to kiss! We just congratulated each other and headed off to bed. We didn't do much on the New Year, but hey, we still had a good time. And the best thing happened on New Years day! FRIENDS IS ON NETFLIX!!!! FINALY! 

Ugh, it is my go to show since as long as I can remember and I am glad I can binge watch it now! 

2018?

  I have no idea what 2018 has in store for Connor and I or anything in that matter. I don't know when we will see each other next after I go home and what to do when I get back. I would say I have resolutions if I did, but this year I didn't make any. It should be to eat better and work out because I gained soo much weight here in England it is ridiculous, but I know for a fact I won't stick to it if it feels mandatory, so I should just not say anything about the matter until I know I am dead set and ready. You would think I used to be strong willed, but I was skinny before because I had a good metabolism and after I had my daughter that just went out the window. I never had any self control when it came to food and I should really work on that soon or tomorrow! I never have a problem with working out, I love to work out, it is just all the food that I eat that ruins all of that...I am a girl who loves her food, what can I say? 

  With that said, I am just taking it day by day, seeing where life takes me. I will just have to cross my fingers and hope for the best. Instead of going in with high hopes, I should just go in hoping things go alright instead of planned because that was my problem. I would plan and plan and plan about EVERYTHING and NOTHING went to plan! So this time I won't bother and I will just do it. I will be spontaneous about it and just do whatever it is that I want to do. That seems to work better than stressing about what plan and steps I should do. I never had my life together and everything structured out, so why try to start and try that again? 

So, Anyway...

   I am sorry I didn't make the most of my holiday here, but it was amazing to me because I am a simple girl. I missed home during the holidays, I will  not lie, but it was a good experience to see what it feels like to be away from home. The different customs and food has really made this trip enjoyable and fun.  Meeting new people like T, Sam, Jack, Tamara, Amanda, Peter, and a few others had made my trip pretty great. I would also like to point out that Connor's friend Sam is part of a band that some of my friends might like! They are called the "C.C. Smugglers" and you can find them on Facebook, YouTube, Spotify, etc.  and they play some sick shit. Excuse my language but it is true. Favorite song would have to be "Good Day". So, cheers Sam! 

   I am running out of things to write about, I can write about my trip to London, but I am sure nobody cares 🙂 I can write a mini series in the blog posts because I love to write stories or I could just not? I have no idea what people want to read about until a month later when they mention it, so please do not hesitate to ask! Snapchat? Moonebeamray. I can get back to you faster on there. Or my Instagram: paranormal_norma  

   So for now I will write whatever comes to mind. Weather it be about the really cool hat I saw the other day, or how the character in my book was being stupid, or what I think about scorpions. 

I am just losing hope in becoming a writer honestly, but a girl can try! 

Until next time! 

-Norma

The Trip so Far

Where did the sun go?

   I have been here for a month now and let me tell you, England is one hell of a place. It has been full of adventure and it is not at all what I expected. I had an idea when I asked questions and I watched the Youtube videos (yes, I went that far), but it was interesting to find that it is like the Harry Potter movies. The shops, the people, the tea, the Sweet Shop, and all of that. I did expect it to be cloudy especially this time of the year, but I didn't realize it would be so cloudy all the time where you only see the sun for about an hour a day. The cold weather, the warm dinners, the transports, all of that is just perfect.

All Day, Everyday

    So, how do I spend my time here? You can all beat me with a stick that I am wasting my time here. I wake up, make my morning cup of tea (yes, I have converted to the tea thing) and I get dressed. I look out the window and see the frost covered everything and chill for a bit on the bed. I whip my phone out and see how my friends at home are doing and read a book. I muster up the strength to get up and make breakfast which could either be eggs, avocado on toast, and sausages or Frosties (Frosted Flakes). I maybe go outside to the garden (the backyard) and take a breath of fresh air for a bit. Go back inside and watch a good amount of a TV show we are watching (we like to binge watch a lot of shows) and then whip out our computers and game. We go out for our midnight walks and go to Sainsburys to buy meaningless junk food to snuggle up and watch a film or two.
    Normally, that is my day. Nothing too fancy at all, a regular chill day. I was taking this time to wind down and enjoy the simple things of England before I really get into anything more. I am too broke to go all out and explore. I could only do so much. But it really doesn't matter, spending time with Connor and his family has been wonderful and what this trip has really been about.
   It doesn't mean I don't go anywhere, I do. I have been to weird places, some beautiful sights, and the cutest little shops. I do find a way to spend the time. I would go and feed the birds for hours if I could, they are actually fun to feed. I feel like an old person, but the simple thing as feeding the birds makes my day.

How it is Like for Me

   The town I am visiting in Bedfordshire, there is a large population of older folk. There is the cutest old ladies ever and old men that dress to impress. I have never seen so many elderly walking the streets EVER  until I got here. Normally in California I see the younger people walk the streets and I see the occasional shoppers everywhere, but never mobs of people 65+ years old. They look well taken care of and very active.
     The women here take real pride on how they look. Maybe because I live in the Central Valley in California and not a big city , but girls here are NOT afraid of putting on their heels. From young to older women, they wear their heels and face (makeup) with pride. Most look like they are going on a fancy date or have to appear on the red carpet at the end of the day, but in reality they are just buying Branston Pickle at Morrisons. I actually love it. I love seeing the women in their 80's walking about with bright red lipstick, heels, and their hair done. Just now, writing this I saw a woman in her 70's walk past the coffee shop I am at with her boots on fleek. The younger women dress just as nice and look like they should be in magazines, not because they have that English flare, but they look the part. I always feel under dressed going to town. I am over here wearing some black boots, a jumper (sweater), some sad looking skinny jeans, and minimal makeup. They have these trench coats on, their makeup that looks spectacular, not a hair out of place, their heels up to there, and some nice purse to go with their look.  You know, maybe it is just me! I dress lame... Ha!
    The food here is like you would expect, but for a Mexican American, it is super different. I am used to lemon, spicy, and hot food. I find everything to be bland except for Connor's mum's cooking. There is no Hot Cheetos, Tapatio, and any of that good stuff, which kills me inside. I have to add a pinch of salt to everything and the chocolate is SUPER strong for me. Indian food is the craze here. Curry this and curry that in almost every shop I go to. They sell fries instead of mashed potatoes in KFC, a large is a medium, no refills on ANYTHING, small portions, cheap, exact prices, and there is always a queue. But I love that about England, you pay exactly the amount priced. If I only have one pound on me and I go into a shop and try to buy a drink that is priced a pound, it will be EXACTLY a pound at checkout. The tax is already included and I love that.
    The vibe here isn't what I expected though. I should have taken Connor's advice, it isn't a super friendly place. Everyone keeps to themselves. If you spark a conversation with a stranger it is weird and people will tell you to fuck off. Maybe because I am too nice and I am a little too friendly with strangers, but you can't go around here and speak to just anyone. Don't get me wrong, you do meet nice people here and there, but not as much as I would back home. They are fair people though. I have seen people stick up for people here without hesitation. They call people on their bullshit 110% of the time and are not afraid to get their hands dirty. They do not call the cops, but instead they settle things man to man, and you know...I like that. The law doesn't have to be in every little thing here.
     I do have to mention that I still can't get used to the traffic here though. The roads are obviously not the same as home, but the speed limits are not as respected. I have only seen five cop cars since I have been here, cops are too busy with stabbings to care about traffic I guess. The pedestrians have the right of way, yes, but the pedestrians yield to cars, not the other way around. There isn't as many crosswalks, but the amount of people here in such a tight space, I see why they don't have as many. If they had as many as we do in my town, traffic would be more hellish than it already is. To get a licence here, you have to pass a written test  and then you have to get driving lessons from an instructor. I forgot how many hours of driving with the instructor you have to do before you get the okay to take the actual test but its quite a bit.  You will have to take this reaction test, the driving test, and so on. On average you might easily spend more than three hundred pounds trying for that licence. I can see why public transportation is popular here. We might not have free healthcare, but I do love the fact that I got my licence within three days and only paid $33 for it. The roads are way too small and the traffic is fast, so I see why they have to be very strict on who is allowed to drive on these roads. I have seen road rage back at home but nothing compares to good old England. You have to be a confident driver here or you won't survive. They do not give a flying fuck here.
   People are super active here. Everywhere you look you see bike riders, people walking their dogs (I am not kidding, they LOVE their dogs here), people walking about, joggers, the works. I have not seen nearly as many overweight people here as much as I do back home. Everyone is fit here and I can see why. The laws they have on food makes sure that portion control is respected and sugar intake is minimal. I will give it to them, as much as I hate the fact that you never can get refills, they are doing a good job on keeping obesity levels low. I haven't googled the overweight population here, but by the looks of it, it is pretty low compared to where I am from. Way to go England!
   The scenery here is BEAUTIFUL. It is gloomy and gray here almost all the time, but it is breathtaking to see all the old architecture. The brick buildings, the history behind it all, the descriptions they have sprinkled all over the place, the lights, the people walking about...it is all so refreshing. They have these little wind up machines that talk to you about the history of the area and it is wonderful. It feels very welcoming and warm in a weird way. It would be as if everyone in Fresno decided to shop locally and everyone walked instead.

The People I have Met

   I have met really nice people, mostly Connor's friends. I have met people out of the way, but it was just a co-inky-dink. They talked to me first because my american accent gave me away...or the way I looked like an idiot staring at my coins not knowing how to pay for the coffee I ordered. (I know how to count! I just haven't gotten used to the money yet but I will get there!) I have met sweet old ladies and nice people at the local coffee shop and I love it. I am getting used to the comedy and sense of humor they have here, it is super different from the ones I am used to, but they are pretty jokes here. The young people don't go out as much, I don't see a lot of people my age walk about, but it is understandable, it is cold, they work a lot, and lots of them chill at friends houses.

In Conclusion...

  It is a nice place to visit. I recommend visiting the UK at least once in your life. It has its charm and you would love it. I am sorry I have not posted in over a month, I have been getting used to the life here and exploring my surroundings. Don't take my opinions of England as literal, it is just that, an opinion. I will post more soon. I was thinking of posting once a week, every Wednesday in fact to get in the groove of it all. I am happy about all the positive feedback about my Blog posts, I know I am not a good speller and my grammar is shit, but it makes me super happy that some of you actually enjoy my posts. So thank you for the love and telling me that you love to read them. 

 I don't know what to post in the near future, I am still working on that. I have no idea if I should go around and asking random people to tell me about themselves for a post...and getting told to shove something up my bum after doing so! Ha!  

  I am enjoying myself, I really am. My Snapchat is Moonbeamray and I try to post as much as I can there and my Instagram @paranormal_norma. I forget to post much because I do not have data and I refuse to pay so much for a local line. I try to hop on the free WiFi as much as I can and post the pictures I take during the day. But because I don't get signal I forget to bring my phone with me sometimes and I am sorry. I did promise my friends back home to post videos and pics as much as possible and I am LAGGING. Sorry.   

  I have to go now, but I will write more soon, promise! Thanks for the love! 

-Norma :) 

P.S) I did not read the post for any spelling/ grammatical errors so I do apologize for that! Sorry about that, I will get to that A.S.A.P

Week 1 in England

England compared to California 

This is more for the people at home that are wondering how different England is compared to America. I don't really know where to start...

Well I can number it off starting with the Cons and I'll number off Pros in a bit:

The Cons:

1. People keep to themselves more in England. You find one or two people who acknowledge your existence  but the rest do not care if you have room to walk in the tiny little sidewalks. For the one week I have been here I have tried to make eye  contact and smile like I normally would at home but here I am sure it is weird. People gave me weird stares and or completely ignored me with a grumpy face. Definitely NOT stranger friendly.

2. The streets and sidewalks are SO SMALL! I have no idea how people get around in this area. I wouldn't know how to drive down the street without running into someone. It literally is like driving down the narrow country roads but not having space to move out of the way. You literally have to yield to the right side and go behind a parked car practically going onto the curb to share the road. I would not have the amount of patience that these people have and hats off to you! That would annoy a simple driver like me. 

3. I cannot cross the damn street without almost getting run over! I forget the whole backwards thing, but that isn't why I almost faced death like twenty times a day. There isn't as many crosswalks here as in California AT ALL. Maybe one on the busy streets and that is it. People jay walk and they don't seem to find it hard to get on the other side. Maybe because I look like an easy target and people drive faster once my foot hits the damn pavement, but it never fails. People speed a lot more in England more than I have ever seen in my life. People go down 30 MPH roads at 50 MPH and no one bats an eye. It is normal to speed. The cops here don't care. I actually have only seen 3 cop cars the whole time I have been here and I walk down to the shop everyday at least twice a day. The cops here don't really care about that. I can see why English people think cops in America are so corrupt but I am actually happy they give out tickets like candy in California because people think twice before they go over 40 in a residential area. Sounds like a A hole thing to say but if you haven't walked down these streets, you have no idea! It is bad here. 

4. People here don't really care about Halloween. Halloween decor is rare to find. The pumpkins they sold were sad little things and they do egg your house. They break your pumpkins too! How do I know this? I saw a few egged houses down the street and I sadly found the pumpkin I carved that Connor spent hours trying to find on the sidewalk down the street smashed. I was completely heartbroken because I didn't take a picture of it before thinking I had time to in the morning but nope. Someone picked our pumpkin out of the yard and stole our candle and smashed it before I had a chance to take a picture. I have never met people to actually vandalize so much until I got here but eh, it is the way of life here. All these things are normal. I signed up for this.

The Pros?

1. The parks here are AMAZING! There is so much to do here at parks. There is parks sprinkled all over the town and they all have things I have never seen before. They are way better than ANY American parks I have seen. Everyone walks there dogs and I have seen so many joggers here. People live a healthy lifestyle here. People walk all over the place and the transportation is easy to get. 

2. The food here is CHEAP!!! I used to eat salads all the time and everything was pricey as hell. It was cheaper to eat a McDouble at McDonald's than to make a healthy chicken salad at home. But here? Meat, produce, and all drinks are so cheap! They even have a meal deal where you can get a bag of chips, a deli sandwich, and a drink (even a monster energy drink!) for three pounds. It is easy to eat healthy here. Soda here is expensive at fast food restaurants. No refills really and they do not have MASHED POTATOES AT KFC!!!! okay...moving on lol

3. The scenery is breathtaking and the weather is nice. It actually feels like fall here. The leaves change color and it gets chilly, it feels so good here. The houses look so adorable, they are all small and close together and they all sort of match one another. The forests are so green and full of life. Everything grows on everything. 

4. The chocolate here is actually better like they say. It melts in your mouth or it is the right amount of flaky. The candy here in general is nice, but not compared to the Mexican spicy candy. But it beats all the savory american candy by far. 

How is it like? 

Think Harry potter. People may tell me that is bullshit or tell me to "Piss Off" but for real, to an american this is all screams HP. People have actual Houses in schools and wear uniforms to school. The shopping mall looks like Hogsmeade and there is people EVERYWHERE. 

Conclusion

I may have forgotten a few things, I will write more later when I get a chance to again. I was just quickly touching on a few things before I call it a night, It is 8 hours difference and maybe more because of the daylight saving time crap. I am tired and cannot be bothered to fix the bits and bobs on the post, So if my spelling and grammar is bad oh weeeelllllll.
Have any questions? Want to know anything about England? Want me to take actual pictures of crap  I will do my best later and post them for you just message me on normaackerstories@gmail.com. Don't feel bad to ask I will be happy to help and I have gotten to the stories some of you send and I will post them soon when I settle down more and I will hop on it. Hope you all have wonderful day, I am outieeee, peace. 😎
Instagram  Figment: My Crap Writing   Snapchat: moonbeamray

How it Feels To Live Like This

My Own Mind Is My Own Enemy

   I have lived with depression for as long as I can remember. I have woken up time after time with the feeling that my world should have ended ages ago and yet I still live. I have had the best days of my life ruined by my mind racing with doubts and my insecurities digging into my heart and lungs. I have lived with my mind telling me that all your compliments are not real and you all just want something from me. I have lived with staring at potential dangerous things and letting my mind wonder how fast it could end my life if I let it.  

   I battle my with my mind everyday.

   Have I done something about it? Have I gotten help for it? Did I know there is programs out there that can help me? Yes, yes, and yes. It isn't something that you pay cash for and sit through a few classes, pop in some anti depressants and I am all good gracious. I wish it worked that way, but it really didn't. 

  The mental health care that was provided to me was either a temporary fix or just made things worse. I was at the mercy of these people that gave me promises that "everything is going to be okay" and I trusted that this was going to work. I had people tell me that all this worked for them and I should give it a go. 

   In all honesty, I felt like I was broken. I felt like nothing in this world was going to work for me, I was just a defect and nothing could do anything about it. I tried every little thing that I could to break from this "Self Pity Cycle" and everything that every doctor suggested and every other depression  overcomer said worked for them and nothing worked for me. 

   I have been like this since as long as I can remember and I learned my own nick-nack tricks that could give me a quick fix from it. I learned that reading, painting, and writing fixed my mood after a good session, but it never helped with my mood for the rest of the day. It was one of those hour boosters that helped me distract myself from what I was actually hiding inside. These distractions were indeed distractions and nothing more. It was not a cure it was not something that helped a person like me. 

  For mild cases of depression it is said that a walk in the park, breathing the fresh air and talking to loved ones on the regular worked. I also heard that having someone to talk to helps and have friend dates work but not for me. I tried sleeping more, sleeping less, eating more, eating less, exercising more, and having a rest...none of it worked. I have tried therapy and getting down to the "root of the problem" and it didn't go at all too well. I ended up blaming other people for what I felt and it was indeed not that. I came to the conclusion that the root of the problem was my dopamine levels and I should just be put on medication hoping that anti depressants would save me from myself. I took them for about a year, changing the meds and doses and I weened off of them eventually because I found myself taking more than I thought possible. I was getting way too dependent on them and it scared me. 

   I have had positive people in my life that influenced me to do better and to think positive and it worked for a day or two but my head always twisted the idea. I found that being alone made things worse because I had to sit in an empty room alone with my thoughts that drove me to make suicide letters and to say goodbye to loved ones against my will.  I have several notebooks with letters of me pleading to the ones I loved to not take my death so heavy and to tell Samantha that I am sorry and that this was no one's fault but my own...

   It is scary...to actually find these things while I try to clean up the room a bit. It is haunting. I find myself ripping them and throwing them away, but I always write more and more. 

   

Why do I feel this way?

   I have no clue why I feel this way. I don't know why I feel the need to bring others down. I hate that about myself the most. That I feel sorry for myself and I hate my life. I have read about other people's lives and how much worse they have it...but it is sickening to think that it doesn't change the way I feel. I would read about the Holocaust, child trafficking, abused children, and all that sad stuff and it didn't change the way I feel about myself and life.  

   It made me feel like an entitled asshole. How could I feel sorry for myself while there is starving people in the world? Where there is women who don't have the right to speak up? Where there are people being murdered?  It made me feel worse and worse, but I kept reading about these things. 

It started when I was in the fifth grade when I got sick of reading Junie B Jones and Goosebumps for a while and needed to read about something that related to my life. I found myself picking up "The Child Called It" by Dave Pelzer and started reading that from start to finish. I read it in class one day and I remember having my fifth grade teacher stop teaching and tell me, "Norma! How can you read such a story!?! That is such a sad book! You shouldn't be reading that!" She gave me a sad look and kept teaching. I can say that was the first time someone in school ever acknowledged my hurt. Her name was Mrs. Rahal and I will never forget the kindness she gave me. 

   I dated back my reasons I felt like this to that day. I didn't realize how poor I was. How being beaten by your mother wasn't normal. Having to be verbally abused wasn't normal. Taking up on adult responsibilities wasn't normal....that most of the things I dealt with at my young age wasn't normal. I knew nothing about this until she called me to stay one day after school. She asked if I could hand her my back pack and to sit down next to her desk. She took out a purple back pack and gave it to me and told me it was a gift. That a person like me shouldn't be walking around with my ratted bag and that I should have a proper back pack. I remember taking this negatively. I remember shaking my head and saying that it was okay and that I don't deserve it. She looked at me confused and she kept insisting that I take it and it made my anxiety skyrocket. I was shaking in my seat trying to explain to her why I cannot accept her gift. She asked me personal questions and it all led up to my mother. It lead to the way she made me feel everyday and how I didn't blame her. It lead to the way people bullied me at school all the time because I didn't really care for new trends and didn't bother to keep up with them. I was lead to believe that I was being hurt by others because I let them take advantage of me. She gave me the warmest hug I have ever had in my life at the time and I cried my little heart out. Never did I know such kindness. Especially from a teacher. I remember thanking her for the backpack and gave her another hug goodbye and doing the best that I could to cheer up for her. 

Since Then...

   I kept going on through middle school believing that things could change and that I just needed to guard myself a lot more. I have always found a way to keep my hurt hidden. I always found a way to pretend that I was a laughing cheerful girl with no worries, but inside I was dying. My whole life I always felt this rotting hole inside of me that kept getting sicker and sicker as time went on. I had teachers notice and took me aside and gave me their words of wisdom or a shoulder to cry on. While my classmates went out to eat or hang out with their friends during break, I sat in a classroom letting my tears out and confiding in my teachers. I remember feeling like no one my age would understand my hurt. It wasn't relevant to them. They always told me their story about how hurt they were and completely ignored mine. But as a person who felt remotely the same way I held myself together and gave as much as I could of myself to help them through their difficult time. 

   All of that drained me and I remember feeling empty in public and hurt when I was at home. (I won't explain what happened at home yet because I don't want to share about it at the moment...but I will later if I ever get brave enough to do it.) I would go throughout my day hearing  people out and giving them encouragement and fake laughing at all their jokes. Jokes were on thing I was bad at and would awkwardly give it a go and I could never get it right!  I was just that, I then realized. I was awkward. I slowly stopped talking to the group of friends I had and moved to a whole different one. I went from being okay to a bit crazy...but that's another story.

How It never Left

The depression never left me. I sit here today feeling like this at this very moment. Not because I want you to feel bad for me, not because I want the attention, but because I just do. I find it easy to share about the way I feel because it made me feel better reading about other people's struggles. It made me feel like I wasn't crazy and it was something some people just go through. It was normal and it happens. 

I let it win from time to time because I have no energy left to fight the negativity going on in my head. I have been keeping busy with other things that doesn't involve so many people to keep myself from infecting others with my sad/sour mood. I found it easier to just remove myself from others to maintain the good relationship I have with them. 

Take it from me when I say this...as a person who has listened to most of your problems all these years, it gets a bit tiring to keep trying to build you back up over and over again after trying multiple times. I wish I could be the person to help. I wish I could be the person to take your hurt away, but I have no energy to help myself. I bet others feel the same about me and I don't want to bother other's with my problems. I don't want to become too much to deal with so I secluded myself for now and focusing on fixing myself instead of relying on other's to do it for me. I have not tried that yet, I haven't taken a break from life since I was seven years old. I can see why people take vacations. A break is needed from all of the normal and to just jump into something new. 

 I don't know how that will all go. I don't know how it would help me, but I have hope. That is one thing that depression hasn't finished off. It hasn't taken all of my hope. How I know that?

I am not dead yet.

I feel that there is still a chance to save myself from my own head. I know there is a cure from feeling like the world hates you. That you hate you. And hating life itself. 

What I hope you get out of this?

I don't want to speak for others when I say this, but I hope you know I am trying to better myself and not letting myself rot away. I want you to know that I don't expect you to feel sorry for me nor do I want you to. I just want you to know that DEPRESSION IS REAL. It isn't a "bump on the road" and "a rut". I am not just sad...this is my day to day life. This is EVERYDAY. I battle with my head EVERYDAY. It is hard, it gets frustrating, it gets nasty, it get out of hand, and it isn't pretty. It isn't a cry for help, it is my damn head being stupid. It is me getting in the way of me. Like a dark infections entity is inside of me refusing to let me feel Life's pleasures. That is why some don't understand that the littlest things mean a BIG deal to me.

  Getting out of bed, doing my hair, getting dressed, and making breakfast is the most simplest pleasure I enjoy. It makes me feel alive and that I actually am not worthless and I can do the simplest tasks. It makes me feel like I accomplished something, maybe I didn't do laundry and I didn't finish all the dishes, but I did something! To wake up and wash my face and look in the mirror...that is already the days accomplishment. Why? Because there are days where I don't want to get out of bed or see the light of day. Or when I went to work I didn't have myself put together right and it threw me off completely. I would then find myself crying in the bathroom or in the corner of the kitchen trying to catch my breath to keep going. I use self talk everyday to keep me from running home to go under the covers on my bed. 

  Just because I laugh and try to make things seem better than they really are doesn't mean I am faking this. Who would want to fake feeling horrible? It doesn't mean that when I post a picture of me smiling saying it is the best day of my life that I am not depressed anymore. It doesn't mean that I am getting better, it just means I can hide it better. Just because you see me laughing my head off at a lame joke that I am in a good mood. It may mean that I just found your joke funny and that is the one thing my mind let slip in to make me feel that burst of joy. 

And one last thing! NOT EVERYONE'S DEPRESSION IS THE SAME! We are all battling a different battle. Different Mind = Different Battle, it's that simple. What helped Julie might not help Erin. What helped Candy might not work on Lizz. It is the way things are. So don't come over and talk to me like you know what will help and that I am being a baby and I don't want to get over it...you have no idea how any people have said that to me and other's that I have talked to. 

How can you help me?

Well, for now? I think there is nothing someone can do for me right now but to just be understanding. To give me space when I ask for it and to give me company when I ask for it. To just know it is okay and people feel this way. To not treat me any different and I enjoy all of your friendships. And if we hang out, don't bring up my sad crap and leave it for some other time when I want to bring it up because I want to forget about that and enjoy time with you. 

  And for those of you that feel the same way or fighting a different but similar battle, you can always send your story here at normaackerstories@gmail.com. You can send what you have gone through and your hardships and the way you overcame those if you did. Or you can explain how you are still battling and what you want to share with the world also. 

Because going through depression alone isn't easy...it is hard to even walk into a room without feeling the heaviness. 

Because Depression is real...and we need to do more about it instead of throwing people in mental institutions with no real intentions to curing the problem. 

Let's Talk Halloween! AKA Samhain

Halloween!

It is that time of the year where there is pumpkins and artistic creepy stuff EVERYWHERE. Scary stories and spooky fun for the young and the old and definitely one of my favorite holidays. I was not in the spirit so far until last night, I normally am in LOVE with October and everything that has to do with the supernatural. If it has the creepy factor you know it is Norma's thing. So Project Norma is actually going well. I woke up having the need to carve pumpkins, watch scary movies, put up decorations, make creepy recipes, and having scary story sleepovers.
So I decided to write about it instead and I want to start today as the official day of Today's Share! Today's Share will be stories from you. I have asked a few people what the do for Halloween and what was their favorite memories growing up. I will feature you in a segment below of every post from here on out. So send me your stories at normaackerstories@gmail.com! Because I like sharing stories as much as I can. I will share your first name only or I will not share if you don't want me to. I can share what you want me to, that's up to you! So send me what you do every year! What is your favorite costume? (Send a pic if you have one!) What are you doing this year? Send anything related to Halloween!

This will be a whatever kind of post. Something short and fun in between other posts.

Quick History of Halloween

Historians have dated the origins of Halloween to about 2,000 years ago. The Celtic people have believed that Samhain was the date where the veil between the world of the living and the dead was at its thinnest. They believed the Druids and High Priests /Priestess have been able to get more accurate readings about the future the night before the New Year (November 1st). November 1st is the first day of harvest, the time of the year that everything starts to wither and die. They believed the spirits will come and cause mischief in the mortal world. They started to dress up to ward off spirits while they did their bonfires to celebrate and worship their deities. 

In the 18th Century Pope Gregory III established November first as "All Saints Day" and calling the night before "All Hallows Eve" later known as Halloween. 

Over the years more practices have arose from the holiday and knew celebrations emerged such as "The Day of the Dead".  

(If you want to read more about it there is a link below labeled Halloween History)  

HiHistory.com Staff. “History of Halloween.” History.com, A&E Television Networks, 2009, www.history.com/topics/halloween/history-of-halloween.

My Halloween Traditions

I will start this month's theme by sharing some traditions I do almost every year in a summary. I will get more into depth in other blog posts as the month goes on. 

I start off with carving a pumpkin with the family on October 1st. I didn't do one on the 1st because of some lame reasons but I will get to that soon! We will all get together and carve our pumpkins to Halloween music, scary stories, and lots and lots of food. We start to plan the years Halloween costumes and plans. 

In my family we make it a big deal that EVERYONE should dress up. Adult or not, we all get into the spirit. We dress the animals too if they would let themselves and we make it a point that it will forever be a ongoing tradition in our family. 

We make Halloween themed food like cupcakes, pancakes, noodles, etc throughout the whole month. We come up with different recipes and find some on the web. 

We watch a scary movie once a day leading up to Samhain! From the good old classics to the new Annabelle movies, they are all being enjoyed in the month of October.

Finding new Creepy Pastas and Urban legends is always a fun hunt. We search for more scary tales to share for years to come.

My family decorates on Halloween, but not as much as I would like. I decorated last year and made the front door of my apartment a graveyard. I want to make that a must from now on. My house has skeletons and creepy things all year round so it isn't difficult to keep that going. 

I also cast a circle bringing in the New Year with a good old New Year ritual and a warm fire with my familiar. We make my deceased loved one's their favorite food and put it out with a lit candle for them for All Saint's Day /Day of the Dead. 

I cannot wait to show you pictures and go into detail about my love for the season! 

Today's Shares: Connor's Family 

My featured share of the day is Connor, his Mum, and his Nan's (Nin) Halloween stories!

I have asked them a few questions to get the ball rolling and they have gave me some silly answers 😀

Connor started off by sharing what he liked about Halloween:

"I like the candy and Horror films that come on TV. I like how everyone gets into the spirit. I used to love Halloween. I love how everyone gets creative with their pumpkins. I saw good ones around here this year. I like how my girlfriend is Wiccan and does ritual things. I like how she gets into the spirit more than I do."

His Traditions: 

     "We used to dress our dogs up for Halloween. We used to decorate the house with cobwebs, pumpkins, spiders, and the "DO NOT ENTER" tape. We used to go trick or treating obviously. No one did tricks here, just treating.  "

His Favorite Costume: 

    "I liked going as a zombie. That was my favorite. I like to rip up my clothes and put blood on. I didn’t do that fake thing, I actually got pigs blood and…I am just kidding! I liked the face paint and dressing up. "Favorite Halloween memory:

   "I went out with my best friend in a totally different area, like 30 minutes away and came home and counted our candy together at his house. My mom and I would take my dog Moschino out trick or treating sometimes. No one would mess with us because she was a big dog." 

What he plans on doing this year:

   "I plan on getting dressed up with my girl, doing special effects masks, and go out and impress others how crazy we look. Go out and get a couple drinks, play some pool. I doubt we would play pool because it would be hard to see with her mask!"

Connor's Mum and Nin gave simple answers to some questions we gave them:

1. What do you like from Halloween?
Horror movies and eating all candy myself -  MUM
Spookiness-  Nin

2. What traditions do/did you have?
Decorating all of the house
 With Halloween thing- Mum & Nin

3. What was your favorite Halloween costume? 
 Connors Mikey costume from monsters INC -Mum & Nin

4. What was your favorite Halloween memory? 
Dressing the dogs up -Mum & Nin

5. Favorite Halloween movies?
Nightmare on elm street  -Mum  
Hellraiser  -Nin

Thank you for Sharing! 

Plans This Month?

I will be posting Halloween crap all month long! I will post about the scary story/ Urban Legend of the day. Halloween costume of the day that I find or that you send. I will post loads about random stuff so stay tuned!

Urban Legend of the Day: The Vanishing Hitchhiker 

A dozen miles outside of Baltimore, the main road from New York (Route Number One) is crossed by another important highway. It is a dangerous intersection, and there is talk of building and underpass for the east-west road. To date, however, the plans exist only on paper.
Dr. Eckersall was driving home from a country-club dance late one Saturday night. He slowed up for the intersection, and was surprised to see a lovely young girl, dressed in the sheerest of evening gowns, beckoning him for a lift. He jammed on his brakes, and motioned her to climb into the back seat of his roadster. “All cluttered up with golf clubs and bags up here in front,” he explained. “But what on earth is a youngster like you doing out here all alone at this time of night?”
“It’s too long a story to tell you now,” said the girl. Her voice was sweet and somewhat shrill — like the tinkling of sleigh bells. “Please, please take me home. I’ll explain everything there. The address is ___ North Charles Street. I do hope it’s not too far out of your way.”
The doctor grunted, and set the car in motion. He drove rapidly to the address she had given him, and as he pulled up before the shuttered house, he said, “Here we are.” Then he turned around. The back seat was empty!
“What the devil?” the doctor muttered to himself. The girl couldn’t possibly have fallen from the car. Nor could she simply have vanished. He rang insistently on the house bell, confused as he had never been in his life before. At long last the door opened. A gray-haired, very tired-looking man peered out at him.
“I can’t tell you what an amazing thing has happened,” began the doctor. “A young girl gave me this address a while back. I drove her here and . . .”
“Yes, yes, I know,” said the man wearily. “This has happened several other Saturday evenings in the past month. That young girl, sir, was my daughter. She was killed in an automobile accident at that intersection where you saw her almost two years ago . . .”
-(Will post a link to the Website it was on as The Vanishing Hitchhiker)

“The Vanishing Hitchhiker.” Snopes.com, Snopes, 23 Oct. 2016, www.snopes.com/horrors/ghosts/vanish.asp.

Featured Costume: My Daughter as Little Red Riding Hood 

Let the Celebration Begin! 

The Vanishing Hitchhiker  History of Halloween  Pinterest   Instagram Figment: My Crappy Book Writing

PN Day 4: Research and How it Feels to be in a LDR

How is it going so Far?

It is going okay so far, I have had a lot of time for myself and looking at new possible opportunities. 

I have been surfing the web and watching endless YouTube videos about Long Distance Relationships and how life is across the pond. I found out some amazing things and I can't wait to put them in good use. 

Why is it a big deal all of a sudden that I go into depth with my relationship with Connor?

I have always been crazy about Connor. All my close friends know that Connor is the biggest part of my life aside from my daughter. I held in my excitement for so long and I think 9 months has been super long enough to hold back on my feelings. I have been holding back in respects to my last marriage with a now good friend of mine. There was heartbreak and hurt but we are growing and changing. We are both getting past it, William and I. He has been there for me and Sammy for years and we are not going to stop now. We are not romantically into each other, we are just really good friends. There is no hard feelings on my end and he claims there isn't any on his end. I am over the moon about that.  But some of you know that I have been letting go recently and I have had a lot of backlash on my relationship because no one understands my relationship with Connor and William. I have heard all the rumors and read messages I wish I didn't read, but it was not taken negatively. 

Connor is here to stay, whether people like it or not and I am happy to say that it doesn't scare me anymore to say that. 

It used to scare me to the point where I was afraid to post pictures and statuses about him, but I have come to realize that this is MY life, and I RUN my life. I should not be afraid of backlash. 

How does it Feel to be in a Long Distance Relationship? 

Let me start off by stating the obvious: IT REALLY SUCKS! It sucks not to wake up with him next to me and it sucks that our normal dates consist of looking through a screen instead of holding hands or cuddling. 

I used to be a military wife for a short period of time and I will have to say that LDR relationships never compare. So I want to say hats off to you! It was hard not to hear from my ex husband for weeks and to only hear his voice for maybe 2 minutes before he had to go. The always being worried sick and waiting for those beautiful letters is a pain I never want to go through again. 

Being in a LDR, non military, has it's hardships of it's own. 

I never expected to fall in love with someone 5,289 miles away, he was a surprise to me like I was to him. We met online in a game/App. We talked for what seemed like thirty minutes until he fell asleep and I sent him a friend request and the rest is history. He accepted and we started to talk through another App. 

We really liked each other from the start and we couldn't get enough of one another's lame stories. We stayed up all nigh/morning laughing and talking about EVERYTHING under the moon. That is something every LDR knows very well! We know more about each other than we do anything else. You see, there is a LOT of TALKING in a LDR. We may seem rude checking our phones/ computers every now and again, but we don't mean it or/and can't help it. Trying to find time from the obvious time zone difference for each other is harder than you think. We have lives we have to catch up to and it's hard to come in and out of that habit of always getting lost in the loop of the romance. We forget to message friends and family or other activities because we tend to make our girlfriend/boyfriend a priority at times. It may be because he worked during my down time or was free when I was sleeping. It is hard to find a set schedule, especially when we worked in jobs with no set hours/ schedules.  But believe it or not we do make time and it is a good breather than staying cooped up in my bedroom for hours (even though it is super freaking awesome to talk to him again!). 

So friends, don't think I find you boring and I rather be doing something else, know that I appreciate and love our time together. I was probably trying to touch base with him.🙂 

The only thing I like about it is that the anticipation is great! The zoo in your belly and the melting feeling that you feel when you know you are about to see each other again is the best feeling in the entire world. To actually hold him and for me to actually kiss him other than the stupid computer screen (Yes! I do that!) is well worth the wait. Also, from what I have heard, traveling to see a whole new way of living it pretty awesome. Connor couldn't believe all the different foods we had and all sorts of other things. He found about something new everyday and he loved it. So I cannot wait to see the differences he has been blabbering about for ages real soon! Also, having a lot of time for myself has been pretty wonderful actually. To spend more time on art projects I used to postpone and decorating my room to crazy extents has been a blast. I have been in a former relationship for almost eight years and I held back on my spontaneous cleaning at 3 am. 

There is a lot of downsides to LDR's though. I mean LOTS. 

The obvious not being able to cuddle, feel, or smell each other is pretty tough. (Yes, smelling each other! You won't know how much you miss someone's scent until they are gone.) Not a lot of people realize the simple being-in-the-same-room-and-saying-nothing-but-enjoying-each-other's-company is a real thing you will miss. I stay on Skype all day and all night sometimes while we do other things to make us feel better. I could be reading while he plays on his PC and we feel more connected, but you can't help feel the little ting in your heart that they are not physically there. 

The dreaded but also nice invitations you get and you know your man won't be there also sucks. Seeing couples dance and laugh together can be a bit sad sometimes, but we can manage. It does hurt though, knowing that Connor would have loved to accompany me but couldn't due to obvious circumstances. Sometimes I can't help it anymore and try to sneak in a message to him telling him that I wish he was here. Replaying the scenarios of us dancing together or pigging out at the open buffet. Drinking at the bar and laughing at the most simple spill on his shirt... that sucks too. 

Also, when people don't believe that it is a real relationship.

I hate that some people say that it is okay to cheat and it is okay to keep options out there. NO IT"S NOT. I am in a serious relationship. It is valid just like yours. Maybe he isn't here and doesn't visit as often as we would like, but he is indeed MY MAN. You can't believe how many people have told Connor and I to keep our options open. "Why not find a guy that lives here?" "Why not date a girl here in Bedford?" We can't help who we fall in love with. If we want to be committed, please respect that for us? It actually means a whole lot when our friends support our relationship because it makes the hardship of being apart so much better. 

Another thing that sucks....when you want to do the dirty. When you want to bump uglies and you know you can't just do that. The camera has to be in the right position, the computer is at a weird angle, you want close ups and what not and sometimes that is pretty hard to accommodate. The lighting is bad or the WiFi cuts out in mid "hanky" (I will call it that so it won't be as awkward). It gets frustrating.  

Yes, we do miss the actual thing, and no we won't opt to having a booty call for that. We try with toys and what not, but nothing compares to the real thing. It makes meeting up again even better. 

But the biggest thing I say is the cost of the flights. I am broke. Like super duper broke and Connor is too. Minimum wage jobs don't give you much and it is hard to pay bills and find the money to travel to see the love of your life. Finding flights that don't stop everywhere, is cheap, and reasonable is harder than you think. I have to go in a twelve hour flight on top of the two hour one. It sucks. Plus I have to go by train for two hours, in a car for about another two...it is a long journey to just get a damn hug. 

How do we Survive?

We do a lot of movie date nights and play games together. We make time to just wind down and enjoy each other's time whether it be talking about our day or laughing at "500 Day's of Summer" on Rabb.it. We listen to music we both like as much as we can. Currently our songs are "Blue Moon" by Frank Sinatra and "I Love You" by sweetbn_. 

Having countdowns to the next time we meet. Talking to mutual friends and our families. 

He sends me gifts through Amazon all the time and so do I. We make each other surprises and we always find something new to talk about. We could talk about Shrek, to fluffy cows, to Wicca, to small aliens that could live beyond our universe that are the size of bunnies. 

We played How-much-Things-You-Can-Fit-up-Your-Nose and doing scavenger hunts.

We also read up on other people's LDR's and we find support there. We help each other out and share our pains and triumphs together. 

 I can honestly say I am having the best time of my life with him. 

Near or far, he makes me feel like no other. He makes me feel like a Queen and I cannot repay him enough. He treats my daughter and I really well with the out most respect. 

How is Project Norma going?

All I can say is that it is just going. Some days I wake up happy and today was one of those days where I woke up a little moody, but I will get over it. I will wash all my clothes today and clean the room top to bottom like spring cleaning to keep it worth while. I have found new projects to start on that I will share later with you all and I am excited to because it is my favorite things ever! 

Thank you for reading and I hope to hear from you all soon! 

I do read your stories and I do write about them in another blog that is secret but I can start posting here because I want to start fresh with this old one. Thanks so much! 

normaackerstories@gmail.com is still wide and open and you can share there or wherever. 

Have  good day! 

-Norma

Instagram Figment: My Crappy Writing  Pinterest

Project Norma: Starting Anew in England

Project Norma

I could tell you about all the crazy things that happened to me throughout the years, but I am sure everyone has a hard story. I am sure we all had a time in our lives where we couldn't see a light at the end of the tunnel. This past year from now to last October I have had the roughest patch of my life yet. I have been through so many things a normal 22 year old wouldn't normally go through, but here I am. I can sit here and tell you a list of things that have gone wrong, but I am not going to do that. Instead I am going to start my blessings.

You see, this is Day 2 of Project Norma. I am starting again from scratch. I am sure I will never be the person I was before 2016 and I am sure as hell not going to go back. I would like to believe I was happy, but I really wasn't. I was miserable and I let my depression get to me. So I decided to do something different.

Why the sudden change?

I am currently dating a wonderful guy named Connor, such a sweet sweet gentleman. It was crazy to find a romance from across the pond because I was never a firm believer in Long Distance Relationships. I wouldn't say I didn't believe in them, it was hard for me to fathom a love like that would work for a hopeless romantic like myself. I annoyed my ex husband no doubt and the distance seemed too much for me to bare. But here I am, almost 9 months in a LDR.
I have been happy with my relationship since I have met him. He is something I am sure about. He is my new world and I am wanting to jump into a whole new way of living. He came to visit me and made me realize life was too short to just live ordinary.
So back to the thing I was telling you about, I am going to start counting my blessings and try this new thing called "Appreciating the Opportunity".

Why now?

You see, I am going to go to England in about twenty something days and I am going to stay for a good 3 months. I will be starting to take up opportunities I normally would't take. I will start to take risks that I would never take and I am going to post about them here.

Is it interesting to write about? 

Maybe not, but it is something that I just wanted to share. I wanted to share my experience and how scary this is for me to just leave my old life behind for a bit and gain some new experiences to give me new insights for my new life I am trying to build for myself. Writing this would give me something to do on my downtime and I love to write anyway. I am horrible with grammar and  cannot spell for the life of me, but story telling has always been a hobby of mine and here is the start of my story. I will write about TMI things and I am not afraid to write about personal things. So don't be surprised to read about some crazy things!

A little about me 

I am 22 and a co parenting mother to a silly girl named Sammy. (She would go to England with me but school is more important and will come with me next time maybe next summer).My ex husband William and I are good friends and are working on helping each other better our lives. I have a small group of friends and I love them to death. I love wine, romance, creepy pastas, horror, gore, comedy, reading, painting, sketching, and a whole bunch of things. You can call me artsy fartsy and a bit creepy, that's all fine with me. I like to connect with my readers and I like to share stories as well as read about them. I like strange things, but I am easy to get along with. I was a dietary aid at a local retirement home but was let go for unforeseen situations that made me miss a lot of work. Leaving that job was hard for me since I loved the residence I have met, but I am definitely happy that I have left and working on myself and a whole new life.  I feel like I am about 30 years old and I normally have the best time with older people because I fluctuate in maturity because I am still 22 years old but all the things that I have been through and the responsibilities that I hold make me feel a whole lot older. I am not sure, people say that, you can be the judge.

Can't wait to start this new journey! Day 2 complete: Start a Blog and start to write about progress!

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