How it Feels To Live Like This

My Own Mind Is My Own Enemy

   I have lived with depression for as long as I can remember. I have woken up time after time with the feeling that my world should have ended ages ago and yet I still live. I have had the best days of my life ruined by my mind racing with doubts and my insecurities digging into my heart and lungs. I have lived with my mind telling me that all your compliments are not real and you all just want something from me. I have lived with staring at potential dangerous things and letting my mind wonder how fast it could end my life if I let it.  

   I battle my with my mind everyday.

   Have I done something about it? Have I gotten help for it? Did I know there is programs out there that can help me? Yes, yes, and yes. It isn't something that you pay cash for and sit through a few classes, pop in some anti depressants and I am all good gracious. I wish it worked that way, but it really didn't. 

  The mental health care that was provided to me was either a temporary fix or just made things worse. I was at the mercy of these people that gave me promises that "everything is going to be okay" and I trusted that this was going to work. I had people tell me that all this worked for them and I should give it a go. 

   In all honesty, I felt like I was broken. I felt like nothing in this world was going to work for me, I was just a defect and nothing could do anything about it. I tried every little thing that I could to break from this "Self Pity Cycle" and everything that every doctor suggested and every other depression  overcomer said worked for them and nothing worked for me. 

   I have been like this since as long as I can remember and I learned my own nick-nack tricks that could give me a quick fix from it. I learned that reading, painting, and writing fixed my mood after a good session, but it never helped with my mood for the rest of the day. It was one of those hour boosters that helped me distract myself from what I was actually hiding inside. These distractions were indeed distractions and nothing more. It was not a cure it was not something that helped a person like me. 

  For mild cases of depression it is said that a walk in the park, breathing the fresh air and talking to loved ones on the regular worked. I also heard that having someone to talk to helps and have friend dates work but not for me. I tried sleeping more, sleeping less, eating more, eating less, exercising more, and having a rest...none of it worked. I have tried therapy and getting down to the "root of the problem" and it didn't go at all too well. I ended up blaming other people for what I felt and it was indeed not that. I came to the conclusion that the root of the problem was my dopamine levels and I should just be put on medication hoping that anti depressants would save me from myself. I took them for about a year, changing the meds and doses and I weened off of them eventually because I found myself taking more than I thought possible. I was getting way too dependent on them and it scared me. 

   I have had positive people in my life that influenced me to do better and to think positive and it worked for a day or two but my head always twisted the idea. I found that being alone made things worse because I had to sit in an empty room alone with my thoughts that drove me to make suicide letters and to say goodbye to loved ones against my will.  I have several notebooks with letters of me pleading to the ones I loved to not take my death so heavy and to tell Samantha that I am sorry and that this was no one's fault but my own...

   It is scary...to actually find these things while I try to clean up the room a bit. It is haunting. I find myself ripping them and throwing them away, but I always write more and more. 

   

Why do I feel this way?

   I have no clue why I feel this way. I don't know why I feel the need to bring others down. I hate that about myself the most. That I feel sorry for myself and I hate my life. I have read about other people's lives and how much worse they have it...but it is sickening to think that it doesn't change the way I feel. I would read about the Holocaust, child trafficking, abused children, and all that sad stuff and it didn't change the way I feel about myself and life.  

   It made me feel like an entitled asshole. How could I feel sorry for myself while there is starving people in the world? Where there is women who don't have the right to speak up? Where there are people being murdered?  It made me feel worse and worse, but I kept reading about these things. 

It started when I was in the fifth grade when I got sick of reading Junie B Jones and Goosebumps for a while and needed to read about something that related to my life. I found myself picking up "The Child Called It" by Dave Pelzer and started reading that from start to finish. I read it in class one day and I remember having my fifth grade teacher stop teaching and tell me, "Norma! How can you read such a story!?! That is such a sad book! You shouldn't be reading that!" She gave me a sad look and kept teaching. I can say that was the first time someone in school ever acknowledged my hurt. Her name was Mrs. Rahal and I will never forget the kindness she gave me. 

   I dated back my reasons I felt like this to that day. I didn't realize how poor I was. How being beaten by your mother wasn't normal. Having to be verbally abused wasn't normal. Taking up on adult responsibilities wasn't normal....that most of the things I dealt with at my young age wasn't normal. I knew nothing about this until she called me to stay one day after school. She asked if I could hand her my back pack and to sit down next to her desk. She took out a purple back pack and gave it to me and told me it was a gift. That a person like me shouldn't be walking around with my ratted bag and that I should have a proper back pack. I remember taking this negatively. I remember shaking my head and saying that it was okay and that I don't deserve it. She looked at me confused and she kept insisting that I take it and it made my anxiety skyrocket. I was shaking in my seat trying to explain to her why I cannot accept her gift. She asked me personal questions and it all led up to my mother. It lead to the way she made me feel everyday and how I didn't blame her. It lead to the way people bullied me at school all the time because I didn't really care for new trends and didn't bother to keep up with them. I was lead to believe that I was being hurt by others because I let them take advantage of me. She gave me the warmest hug I have ever had in my life at the time and I cried my little heart out. Never did I know such kindness. Especially from a teacher. I remember thanking her for the backpack and gave her another hug goodbye and doing the best that I could to cheer up for her. 

Since Then...

   I kept going on through middle school believing that things could change and that I just needed to guard myself a lot more. I have always found a way to keep my hurt hidden. I always found a way to pretend that I was a laughing cheerful girl with no worries, but inside I was dying. My whole life I always felt this rotting hole inside of me that kept getting sicker and sicker as time went on. I had teachers notice and took me aside and gave me their words of wisdom or a shoulder to cry on. While my classmates went out to eat or hang out with their friends during break, I sat in a classroom letting my tears out and confiding in my teachers. I remember feeling like no one my age would understand my hurt. It wasn't relevant to them. They always told me their story about how hurt they were and completely ignored mine. But as a person who felt remotely the same way I held myself together and gave as much as I could of myself to help them through their difficult time. 

   All of that drained me and I remember feeling empty in public and hurt when I was at home. (I won't explain what happened at home yet because I don't want to share about it at the moment...but I will later if I ever get brave enough to do it.) I would go throughout my day hearing  people out and giving them encouragement and fake laughing at all their jokes. Jokes were on thing I was bad at and would awkwardly give it a go and I could never get it right!  I was just that, I then realized. I was awkward. I slowly stopped talking to the group of friends I had and moved to a whole different one. I went from being okay to a bit crazy...but that's another story.

How It never Left

The depression never left me. I sit here today feeling like this at this very moment. Not because I want you to feel bad for me, not because I want the attention, but because I just do. I find it easy to share about the way I feel because it made me feel better reading about other people's struggles. It made me feel like I wasn't crazy and it was something some people just go through. It was normal and it happens. 

I let it win from time to time because I have no energy left to fight the negativity going on in my head. I have been keeping busy with other things that doesn't involve so many people to keep myself from infecting others with my sad/sour mood. I found it easier to just remove myself from others to maintain the good relationship I have with them. 

Take it from me when I say this...as a person who has listened to most of your problems all these years, it gets a bit tiring to keep trying to build you back up over and over again after trying multiple times. I wish I could be the person to help. I wish I could be the person to take your hurt away, but I have no energy to help myself. I bet others feel the same about me and I don't want to bother other's with my problems. I don't want to become too much to deal with so I secluded myself for now and focusing on fixing myself instead of relying on other's to do it for me. I have not tried that yet, I haven't taken a break from life since I was seven years old. I can see why people take vacations. A break is needed from all of the normal and to just jump into something new. 

 I don't know how that will all go. I don't know how it would help me, but I have hope. That is one thing that depression hasn't finished off. It hasn't taken all of my hope. How I know that?

I am not dead yet.

I feel that there is still a chance to save myself from my own head. I know there is a cure from feeling like the world hates you. That you hate you. And hating life itself. 

What I hope you get out of this?

I don't want to speak for others when I say this, but I hope you know I am trying to better myself and not letting myself rot away. I want you to know that I don't expect you to feel sorry for me nor do I want you to. I just want you to know that DEPRESSION IS REAL. It isn't a "bump on the road" and "a rut". I am not just sad...this is my day to day life. This is EVERYDAY. I battle with my head EVERYDAY. It is hard, it gets frustrating, it gets nasty, it get out of hand, and it isn't pretty. It isn't a cry for help, it is my damn head being stupid. It is me getting in the way of me. Like a dark infections entity is inside of me refusing to let me feel Life's pleasures. That is why some don't understand that the littlest things mean a BIG deal to me.

  Getting out of bed, doing my hair, getting dressed, and making breakfast is the most simplest pleasure I enjoy. It makes me feel alive and that I actually am not worthless and I can do the simplest tasks. It makes me feel like I accomplished something, maybe I didn't do laundry and I didn't finish all the dishes, but I did something! To wake up and wash my face and look in the mirror...that is already the days accomplishment. Why? Because there are days where I don't want to get out of bed or see the light of day. Or when I went to work I didn't have myself put together right and it threw me off completely. I would then find myself crying in the bathroom or in the corner of the kitchen trying to catch my breath to keep going. I use self talk everyday to keep me from running home to go under the covers on my bed. 

  Just because I laugh and try to make things seem better than they really are doesn't mean I am faking this. Who would want to fake feeling horrible? It doesn't mean that when I post a picture of me smiling saying it is the best day of my life that I am not depressed anymore. It doesn't mean that I am getting better, it just means I can hide it better. Just because you see me laughing my head off at a lame joke that I am in a good mood. It may mean that I just found your joke funny and that is the one thing my mind let slip in to make me feel that burst of joy. 

And one last thing! NOT EVERYONE'S DEPRESSION IS THE SAME! We are all battling a different battle. Different Mind = Different Battle, it's that simple. What helped Julie might not help Erin. What helped Candy might not work on Lizz. It is the way things are. So don't come over and talk to me like you know what will help and that I am being a baby and I don't want to get over it...you have no idea how any people have said that to me and other's that I have talked to. 

How can you help me?

Well, for now? I think there is nothing someone can do for me right now but to just be understanding. To give me space when I ask for it and to give me company when I ask for it. To just know it is okay and people feel this way. To not treat me any different and I enjoy all of your friendships. And if we hang out, don't bring up my sad crap and leave it for some other time when I want to bring it up because I want to forget about that and enjoy time with you. 

  And for those of you that feel the same way or fighting a different but similar battle, you can always send your story here at normaackerstories@gmail.com. You can send what you have gone through and your hardships and the way you overcame those if you did. Or you can explain how you are still battling and what you want to share with the world also. 

Because going through depression alone isn't easy...it is hard to even walk into a room without feeling the heaviness. 

Because Depression is real...and we need to do more about it instead of throwing people in mental institutions with no real intentions to curing the problem. 

Let's Talk Halloween! AKA Samhain

Halloween!

It is that time of the year where there is pumpkins and artistic creepy stuff EVERYWHERE. Scary stories and spooky fun for the young and the old and definitely one of my favorite holidays. I was not in the spirit so far until last night, I normally am in LOVE with October and everything that has to do with the supernatural. If it has the creepy factor you know it is Norma's thing. So Project Norma is actually going well. I woke up having the need to carve pumpkins, watch scary movies, put up decorations, make creepy recipes, and having scary story sleepovers.
So I decided to write about it instead and I want to start today as the official day of Today's Share! Today's Share will be stories from you. I have asked a few people what the do for Halloween and what was their favorite memories growing up. I will feature you in a segment below of every post from here on out. So send me your stories at normaackerstories@gmail.com! Because I like sharing stories as much as I can. I will share your first name only or I will not share if you don't want me to. I can share what you want me to, that's up to you! So send me what you do every year! What is your favorite costume? (Send a pic if you have one!) What are you doing this year? Send anything related to Halloween!

This will be a whatever kind of post. Something short and fun in between other posts.

Quick History of Halloween

Historians have dated the origins of Halloween to about 2,000 years ago. The Celtic people have believed that Samhain was the date where the veil between the world of the living and the dead was at its thinnest. They believed the Druids and High Priests /Priestess have been able to get more accurate readings about the future the night before the New Year (November 1st). November 1st is the first day of harvest, the time of the year that everything starts to wither and die. They believed the spirits will come and cause mischief in the mortal world. They started to dress up to ward off spirits while they did their bonfires to celebrate and worship their deities. 

In the 18th Century Pope Gregory III established November first as "All Saints Day" and calling the night before "All Hallows Eve" later known as Halloween. 

Over the years more practices have arose from the holiday and knew celebrations emerged such as "The Day of the Dead".  

(If you want to read more about it there is a link below labeled Halloween History)  

HiHistory.com Staff. “History of Halloween.” History.com, A&E Television Networks, 2009, www.history.com/topics/halloween/history-of-halloween.

My Halloween Traditions

I will start this month's theme by sharing some traditions I do almost every year in a summary. I will get more into depth in other blog posts as the month goes on. 

I start off with carving a pumpkin with the family on October 1st. I didn't do one on the 1st because of some lame reasons but I will get to that soon! We will all get together and carve our pumpkins to Halloween music, scary stories, and lots and lots of food. We start to plan the years Halloween costumes and plans. 

In my family we make it a big deal that EVERYONE should dress up. Adult or not, we all get into the spirit. We dress the animals too if they would let themselves and we make it a point that it will forever be a ongoing tradition in our family. 

We make Halloween themed food like cupcakes, pancakes, noodles, etc throughout the whole month. We come up with different recipes and find some on the web. 

We watch a scary movie once a day leading up to Samhain! From the good old classics to the new Annabelle movies, they are all being enjoyed in the month of October.

Finding new Creepy Pastas and Urban legends is always a fun hunt. We search for more scary tales to share for years to come.

My family decorates on Halloween, but not as much as I would like. I decorated last year and made the front door of my apartment a graveyard. I want to make that a must from now on. My house has skeletons and creepy things all year round so it isn't difficult to keep that going. 

I also cast a circle bringing in the New Year with a good old New Year ritual and a warm fire with my familiar. We make my deceased loved one's their favorite food and put it out with a lit candle for them for All Saint's Day /Day of the Dead. 

I cannot wait to show you pictures and go into detail about my love for the season! 

Today's Shares: Connor's Family 

My featured share of the day is Connor, his Mum, and his Nan's (Nin) Halloween stories!

I have asked them a few questions to get the ball rolling and they have gave me some silly answers 😀

Connor started off by sharing what he liked about Halloween:

"I like the candy and Horror films that come on TV. I like how everyone gets into the spirit. I used to love Halloween. I love how everyone gets creative with their pumpkins. I saw good ones around here this year. I like how my girlfriend is Wiccan and does ritual things. I like how she gets into the spirit more than I do."

His Traditions: 

     "We used to dress our dogs up for Halloween. We used to decorate the house with cobwebs, pumpkins, spiders, and the "DO NOT ENTER" tape. We used to go trick or treating obviously. No one did tricks here, just treating.  "

His Favorite Costume: 

    "I liked going as a zombie. That was my favorite. I like to rip up my clothes and put blood on. I didn’t do that fake thing, I actually got pigs blood and…I am just kidding! I liked the face paint and dressing up. "Favorite Halloween memory:

   "I went out with my best friend in a totally different area, like 30 minutes away and came home and counted our candy together at his house. My mom and I would take my dog Moschino out trick or treating sometimes. No one would mess with us because she was a big dog." 

What he plans on doing this year:

   "I plan on getting dressed up with my girl, doing special effects masks, and go out and impress others how crazy we look. Go out and get a couple drinks, play some pool. I doubt we would play pool because it would be hard to see with her mask!"

Connor's Mum and Nin gave simple answers to some questions we gave them:

1. What do you like from Halloween?
Horror movies and eating all candy myself -  MUM
Spookiness-  Nin

2. What traditions do/did you have?
Decorating all of the house
 With Halloween thing- Mum & Nin

3. What was your favorite Halloween costume? 
 Connors Mikey costume from monsters INC -Mum & Nin

4. What was your favorite Halloween memory? 
Dressing the dogs up -Mum & Nin

5. Favorite Halloween movies?
Nightmare on elm street  -Mum  
Hellraiser  -Nin

Thank you for Sharing! 

Plans This Month?

I will be posting Halloween crap all month long! I will post about the scary story/ Urban Legend of the day. Halloween costume of the day that I find or that you send. I will post loads about random stuff so stay tuned!

Urban Legend of the Day: The Vanishing Hitchhiker 

A dozen miles outside of Baltimore, the main road from New York (Route Number One) is crossed by another important highway. It is a dangerous intersection, and there is talk of building and underpass for the east-west road. To date, however, the plans exist only on paper.
Dr. Eckersall was driving home from a country-club dance late one Saturday night. He slowed up for the intersection, and was surprised to see a lovely young girl, dressed in the sheerest of evening gowns, beckoning him for a lift. He jammed on his brakes, and motioned her to climb into the back seat of his roadster. “All cluttered up with golf clubs and bags up here in front,” he explained. “But what on earth is a youngster like you doing out here all alone at this time of night?”
“It’s too long a story to tell you now,” said the girl. Her voice was sweet and somewhat shrill — like the tinkling of sleigh bells. “Please, please take me home. I’ll explain everything there. The address is ___ North Charles Street. I do hope it’s not too far out of your way.”
The doctor grunted, and set the car in motion. He drove rapidly to the address she had given him, and as he pulled up before the shuttered house, he said, “Here we are.” Then he turned around. The back seat was empty!
“What the devil?” the doctor muttered to himself. The girl couldn’t possibly have fallen from the car. Nor could she simply have vanished. He rang insistently on the house bell, confused as he had never been in his life before. At long last the door opened. A gray-haired, very tired-looking man peered out at him.
“I can’t tell you what an amazing thing has happened,” began the doctor. “A young girl gave me this address a while back. I drove her here and . . .”
“Yes, yes, I know,” said the man wearily. “This has happened several other Saturday evenings in the past month. That young girl, sir, was my daughter. She was killed in an automobile accident at that intersection where you saw her almost two years ago . . .”
-(Will post a link to the Website it was on as The Vanishing Hitchhiker)

“The Vanishing Hitchhiker.” Snopes.com, Snopes, 23 Oct. 2016, www.snopes.com/horrors/ghosts/vanish.asp.

Featured Costume: My Daughter as Little Red Riding Hood 

Let the Celebration Begin! 

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PN Day 4: Research and How it Feels to be in a LDR

How is it going so Far?

It is going okay so far, I have had a lot of time for myself and looking at new possible opportunities. 

I have been surfing the web and watching endless YouTube videos about Long Distance Relationships and how life is across the pond. I found out some amazing things and I can't wait to put them in good use. 

Why is it a big deal all of a sudden that I go into depth with my relationship with Connor?

I have always been crazy about Connor. All my close friends know that Connor is the biggest part of my life aside from my daughter. I held in my excitement for so long and I think 9 months has been super long enough to hold back on my feelings. I have been holding back in respects to my last marriage with a now good friend of mine. There was heartbreak and hurt but we are growing and changing. We are both getting past it, William and I. He has been there for me and Sammy for years and we are not going to stop now. We are not romantically into each other, we are just really good friends. There is no hard feelings on my end and he claims there isn't any on his end. I am over the moon about that.  But some of you know that I have been letting go recently and I have had a lot of backlash on my relationship because no one understands my relationship with Connor and William. I have heard all the rumors and read messages I wish I didn't read, but it was not taken negatively. 

Connor is here to stay, whether people like it or not and I am happy to say that it doesn't scare me anymore to say that. 

It used to scare me to the point where I was afraid to post pictures and statuses about him, but I have come to realize that this is MY life, and I RUN my life. I should not be afraid of backlash. 

How does it Feel to be in a Long Distance Relationship? 

Let me start off by stating the obvious: IT REALLY SUCKS! It sucks not to wake up with him next to me and it sucks that our normal dates consist of looking through a screen instead of holding hands or cuddling. 

I used to be a military wife for a short period of time and I will have to say that LDR relationships never compare. So I want to say hats off to you! It was hard not to hear from my ex husband for weeks and to only hear his voice for maybe 2 minutes before he had to go. The always being worried sick and waiting for those beautiful letters is a pain I never want to go through again. 

Being in a LDR, non military, has it's hardships of it's own. 

I never expected to fall in love with someone 5,289 miles away, he was a surprise to me like I was to him. We met online in a game/App. We talked for what seemed like thirty minutes until he fell asleep and I sent him a friend request and the rest is history. He accepted and we started to talk through another App. 

We really liked each other from the start and we couldn't get enough of one another's lame stories. We stayed up all nigh/morning laughing and talking about EVERYTHING under the moon. That is something every LDR knows very well! We know more about each other than we do anything else. You see, there is a LOT of TALKING in a LDR. We may seem rude checking our phones/ computers every now and again, but we don't mean it or/and can't help it. Trying to find time from the obvious time zone difference for each other is harder than you think. We have lives we have to catch up to and it's hard to come in and out of that habit of always getting lost in the loop of the romance. We forget to message friends and family or other activities because we tend to make our girlfriend/boyfriend a priority at times. It may be because he worked during my down time or was free when I was sleeping. It is hard to find a set schedule, especially when we worked in jobs with no set hours/ schedules.  But believe it or not we do make time and it is a good breather than staying cooped up in my bedroom for hours (even though it is super freaking awesome to talk to him again!). 

So friends, don't think I find you boring and I rather be doing something else, know that I appreciate and love our time together. I was probably trying to touch base with him.🙂 

The only thing I like about it is that the anticipation is great! The zoo in your belly and the melting feeling that you feel when you know you are about to see each other again is the best feeling in the entire world. To actually hold him and for me to actually kiss him other than the stupid computer screen (Yes! I do that!) is well worth the wait. Also, from what I have heard, traveling to see a whole new way of living it pretty awesome. Connor couldn't believe all the different foods we had and all sorts of other things. He found about something new everyday and he loved it. So I cannot wait to see the differences he has been blabbering about for ages real soon! Also, having a lot of time for myself has been pretty wonderful actually. To spend more time on art projects I used to postpone and decorating my room to crazy extents has been a blast. I have been in a former relationship for almost eight years and I held back on my spontaneous cleaning at 3 am. 

There is a lot of downsides to LDR's though. I mean LOTS. 

The obvious not being able to cuddle, feel, or smell each other is pretty tough. (Yes, smelling each other! You won't know how much you miss someone's scent until they are gone.) Not a lot of people realize the simple being-in-the-same-room-and-saying-nothing-but-enjoying-each-other's-company is a real thing you will miss. I stay on Skype all day and all night sometimes while we do other things to make us feel better. I could be reading while he plays on his PC and we feel more connected, but you can't help feel the little ting in your heart that they are not physically there. 

The dreaded but also nice invitations you get and you know your man won't be there also sucks. Seeing couples dance and laugh together can be a bit sad sometimes, but we can manage. It does hurt though, knowing that Connor would have loved to accompany me but couldn't due to obvious circumstances. Sometimes I can't help it anymore and try to sneak in a message to him telling him that I wish he was here. Replaying the scenarios of us dancing together or pigging out at the open buffet. Drinking at the bar and laughing at the most simple spill on his shirt... that sucks too. 

Also, when people don't believe that it is a real relationship.

I hate that some people say that it is okay to cheat and it is okay to keep options out there. NO IT"S NOT. I am in a serious relationship. It is valid just like yours. Maybe he isn't here and doesn't visit as often as we would like, but he is indeed MY MAN. You can't believe how many people have told Connor and I to keep our options open. "Why not find a guy that lives here?" "Why not date a girl here in Bedford?" We can't help who we fall in love with. If we want to be committed, please respect that for us? It actually means a whole lot when our friends support our relationship because it makes the hardship of being apart so much better. 

Another thing that sucks....when you want to do the dirty. When you want to bump uglies and you know you can't just do that. The camera has to be in the right position, the computer is at a weird angle, you want close ups and what not and sometimes that is pretty hard to accommodate. The lighting is bad or the WiFi cuts out in mid "hanky" (I will call it that so it won't be as awkward). It gets frustrating.  

Yes, we do miss the actual thing, and no we won't opt to having a booty call for that. We try with toys and what not, but nothing compares to the real thing. It makes meeting up again even better. 

But the biggest thing I say is the cost of the flights. I am broke. Like super duper broke and Connor is too. Minimum wage jobs don't give you much and it is hard to pay bills and find the money to travel to see the love of your life. Finding flights that don't stop everywhere, is cheap, and reasonable is harder than you think. I have to go in a twelve hour flight on top of the two hour one. It sucks. Plus I have to go by train for two hours, in a car for about another two...it is a long journey to just get a damn hug. 

How do we Survive?

We do a lot of movie date nights and play games together. We make time to just wind down and enjoy each other's time whether it be talking about our day or laughing at "500 Day's of Summer" on Rabb.it. We listen to music we both like as much as we can. Currently our songs are "Blue Moon" by Frank Sinatra and "I Love You" by sweetbn_. 

Having countdowns to the next time we meet. Talking to mutual friends and our families. 

He sends me gifts through Amazon all the time and so do I. We make each other surprises and we always find something new to talk about. We could talk about Shrek, to fluffy cows, to Wicca, to small aliens that could live beyond our universe that are the size of bunnies. 

We played How-much-Things-You-Can-Fit-up-Your-Nose and doing scavenger hunts.

We also read up on other people's LDR's and we find support there. We help each other out and share our pains and triumphs together. 

 I can honestly say I am having the best time of my life with him. 

Near or far, he makes me feel like no other. He makes me feel like a Queen and I cannot repay him enough. He treats my daughter and I really well with the out most respect. 

How is Project Norma going?

All I can say is that it is just going. Some days I wake up happy and today was one of those days where I woke up a little moody, but I will get over it. I will wash all my clothes today and clean the room top to bottom like spring cleaning to keep it worth while. I have found new projects to start on that I will share later with you all and I am excited to because it is my favorite things ever! 

Thank you for reading and I hope to hear from you all soon! 

I do read your stories and I do write about them in another blog that is secret but I can start posting here because I want to start fresh with this old one. Thanks so much! 

normaackerstories@gmail.com is still wide and open and you can share there or wherever. 

Have  good day! 

-Norma

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Project Norma: Starting Anew in England

Project Norma

I could tell you about all the crazy things that happened to me throughout the years, but I am sure everyone has a hard story. I am sure we all had a time in our lives where we couldn't see a light at the end of the tunnel. This past year from now to last October I have had the roughest patch of my life yet. I have been through so many things a normal 22 year old wouldn't normally go through, but here I am. I can sit here and tell you a list of things that have gone wrong, but I am not going to do that. Instead I am going to start my blessings.

You see, this is Day 2 of Project Norma. I am starting again from scratch. I am sure I will never be the person I was before 2016 and I am sure as hell not going to go back. I would like to believe I was happy, but I really wasn't. I was miserable and I let my depression get to me. So I decided to do something different.

Why the sudden change?

I am currently dating a wonderful guy named Connor, such a sweet sweet gentleman. It was crazy to find a romance from across the pond because I was never a firm believer in Long Distance Relationships. I wouldn't say I didn't believe in them, it was hard for me to fathom a love like that would work for a hopeless romantic like myself. I annoyed my ex husband no doubt and the distance seemed too much for me to bare. But here I am, almost 9 months in a LDR.
I have been happy with my relationship since I have met him. He is something I am sure about. He is my new world and I am wanting to jump into a whole new way of living. He came to visit me and made me realize life was too short to just live ordinary.
So back to the thing I was telling you about, I am going to start counting my blessings and try this new thing called "Appreciating the Opportunity".

Why now?

You see, I am going to go to England in about twenty something days and I am going to stay for a good 3 months. I will be starting to take up opportunities I normally would't take. I will start to take risks that I would never take and I am going to post about them here.

Is it interesting to write about? 

Maybe not, but it is something that I just wanted to share. I wanted to share my experience and how scary this is for me to just leave my old life behind for a bit and gain some new experiences to give me new insights for my new life I am trying to build for myself. Writing this would give me something to do on my downtime and I love to write anyway. I am horrible with grammar and  cannot spell for the life of me, but story telling has always been a hobby of mine and here is the start of my story. I will write about TMI things and I am not afraid to write about personal things. So don't be surprised to read about some crazy things!

A little about me 

I am 22 and a co parenting mother to a silly girl named Sammy. (She would go to England with me but school is more important and will come with me next time maybe next summer).My ex husband William and I are good friends and are working on helping each other better our lives. I have a small group of friends and I love them to death. I love wine, romance, creepy pastas, horror, gore, comedy, reading, painting, sketching, and a whole bunch of things. You can call me artsy fartsy and a bit creepy, that's all fine with me. I like to connect with my readers and I like to share stories as well as read about them. I like strange things, but I am easy to get along with. I was a dietary aid at a local retirement home but was let go for unforeseen situations that made me miss a lot of work. Leaving that job was hard for me since I loved the residence I have met, but I am definitely happy that I have left and working on myself and a whole new life.  I feel like I am about 30 years old and I normally have the best time with older people because I fluctuate in maturity because I am still 22 years old but all the things that I have been through and the responsibilities that I hold make me feel a whole lot older. I am not sure, people say that, you can be the judge.

Can't wait to start this new journey! Day 2 complete: Start a Blog and start to write about progress!

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